Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I need to stop coming to work sober
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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