i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
