you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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