Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
