$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
