already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
