I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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