you inspire me to be a worse person
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
