Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
