I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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