I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They have beer where we have blood.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
