Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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