Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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