Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
