she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
