The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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