so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
