There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
