omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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