It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
