Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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