i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize