dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
