i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
