I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize