onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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