Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
