The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
