Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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