omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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