I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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