I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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