After last night, I could never be a politician.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
