fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
