Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
