U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
