Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
