dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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