I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
