Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
