I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
