you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
