i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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