he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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