Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just cut my nipple shaving
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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