Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
