Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
