oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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