I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In other news, I just burned my penis
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize