We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
