So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
