We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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