She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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