UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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