mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
