How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize