Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
