The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
