Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
