YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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