she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
