it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
