Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
