i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
