You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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