so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
