i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
