Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
